Those Advice from A Father That Rescued Us as a New Dad

"In my view I was merely just surviving for twelve months."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the difficulties of being a father.

However the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her main carer while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct words "You are not in a good place. You require assistance. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more comfortable discussing the strain on mothers and about PND, less is said about the struggles new fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a broader reluctance to communicate between men, who often absorb damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a show of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a pause - taking a couple of days overseas, away from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, deep-held emotional pain caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when younger to change how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that don't help," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before having a baby. Examples include going for a run, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Look after the body - eating well, physical activity and where possible, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their pain, changed how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."